“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
Life is behaving in a curious way at the moment. We fell in love with a house, put an offer in on it, our landlord found a new tenant, and we moved out. And then our deal fell through with our new house. Just like that, our perfectly timed out scheme just pulled itself out from under our feet like a treacherous rug. One hour we were lined up for a smooth transition, the next we were literally homeless with no prospects. The spectrum of emotions that have followed after us these several days is vast, to say the least.
We have not quite landed just yet, but I know we will soon. For now, we are floating in a sort of strange suspension of reality.
Our friends are texting us asking why we won’t come hang out. Our clients are emailing us about our availability for taking on new projects. Our parents are pretending like us spontaneously crashing in their guest rooms for extended periods of time is totally normal. And our dogs are gleefully following us around, unquestioning, just happy to be near us. And that is the attitude Andy and I have chosen to take on our situation.
We don’t know where we are going to live, we don’t know if it’s this city or that state, we don’t know how long it will take to settle, we don’t know what we will do in the mean time, we don’t know what to tell our friends, and we don’t even know what we want the answers to those questions to ideally be. What we do know, is no matter what the journey, no matter what the outcome, we will be together. Come hell or high water, we will face the challenges and the joys and the ups and the downs as a team. And that is enough to make my heart peaceful. My brain keeps trying to freak me out and focus on questions that should have detailed, well thought out answers but instead have none. It tells me I should be panicking and in over-drive and spending every second trying to come up with an answer for life. But instead, I am filled with peace. I love Andy, and he loves me, and we may not have this life thing figured out quite yet, but that’s ok. We pray and we love and we trust in God that things will work themselves out and our purpose will soon become known.
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
It is a cliché, over-used quote. But for good reason. Life is unpredictable and the more you try to bend and break it into shape the less you will enjoy it. It makes me think metaphorically of a raging river. Yes, it is possible to navigate and some effort and balance must be exerted in order to remain upright, but for the most part you are at the mercy of Mother Nature. There are calm sections, wild sections, beautiful sections and scary sections, and you must face each as bravely as you can because the only certainty is there’s no going back the way you came.
We aren’t sure to which white water rapid our lives are headed, but we are sure we are in for a crazy adventure, and going to love every second of it.
For now, we are floating.